In my 28 years of life, I have witnessed things that no one should ever have to witness, I have experienced some tremendous losses that have shaken my world to the core, and I have been tested by the universe in a myriad of trials and tribulations. My life has not been easy.
However, to say my life has not been easy, is not to say it hasn’t been good. Through every loss, through every heartache, through every struggle, there has been a light. I am fortunate to travel along a path that has led me to some amazingly supportive people, who have guided me through all of life’s challenges. I am even more fortunate to be blessed with three beautiful children who give me reason to live, and live well, each and every day of my life. They have taught me the true meaning of unconditional love, and showed me to live life with a free spirit and an open mind. They have made me the person I am today, and encouraged me to follow my dreams, without even knowing it. They are my world.
As my 28th birthday passes me by, I’ve found myself in deep thought about how far I have come, and how much I have experienced in such a short time. I often meet other people my age, who have not experienced a fraction of the things I have, in their lifetime. Sometimes, I feel envious. What would my life be like if I hadn’t been through all of these things? But then, I realize they are all a part of who I am today. Do I wish my mom and sister were still alive? Absolutely. Do I wish my marriage hadn’t failed? Of course. But, do I wish my life was different? No way in hell.
I have a career that feeds my passions, challenges me in ways I never thought possible (good ways!) and fills my heart with so much love and gratitude that it feels like it’s going to burst! I have an amazing village of friends…powerful, inspiring, selfless women, who support me in everything I do. I have my health – thank god for my health. Lastly, I have my children. They are the one, solitary thing that gives me reason to live, and good god, are they ever a good reason. Without them, where would I be? How would I have persevered through these last couple of years in my life, if I didn’t have this beautiful reason to get out of bed every day? How would I have ever smiled again? How would I learn to love? I don’t know what I would do without them.
“What would I do without them?!”
It’s a question I ask myself often. I find myself thinking about all of the people in the world who have not been blessed by children, and my heart aches for them. What keeps these individuals going through times of struggle? Who loves them unconditionally, and teaches them to do the same? Who looks at them through innocent eyes, believing they are the strongest person in the world, capable of doing absolutely anything? It’s enough to bring me to tears. It makes me wish I could fly around like a little fairy, and sprinkle everyone with love, happiness, and children. After all, children make the world a better place! They are filled with so much hope and potential…our younger generation has the power and ability to change the world, to find a cure for cancer, to offer hope for humanity! They are magical, unstoppable little people, who can and will make a difference in their lifetime! And, best of all, they are the best friends we grown-ups could ask for. They fill our houses with laughter and love, and teach us so many life lessons that we could never learn from anyone else.
Unfortunately, I’m not a fairy, and can’t share this happiness with all of the people I would like to. I can, though, do one small thing to contribute my part. I can share the gift of a child with someone who so desperately wants to be a parent, but physically can’t conceive. I am young, I am healthy, and I have wonderful, uncomplicated pregnancies and births. I can give the gift of life. I can become a surrogate.
Wait, wait, wait…hold your negative reactions, please. I have already heard them all. Why would I want to do this? Why would I carry someone else’s baby? Won’t I have a hard time “giving it up”? I get it. It’s unconventional. It’s not something most people can do, and it’s not something you hear about very often. It even holds a stigma, (which is so insane to me), and some people think it’s downright “weird”.
I think it’s beautiful. An amazing gift to give someone, and a true honour. Imagine the profound gratitude these intended parents feel for a woman who is willing to carry their baby in her own body for 9 months. Imagine the emotions that come over them as they see that tiny heartbeat on an ultrasound for the first time, or when they hold that sweet gift just moments after she is born. Imagine! This is a gift I could give someone! (A “gift” being the keyword, here. I am not giving anything up, or giving my baby away. It is not mine to keep, I am simply giving it back.)
So, there you have it. I have clicked “submit” on my official application, and now I wait for the blood work, psychological assessment and other test to come back clear, so we can go ahead. I hope you’ll share in the ups and downs of my journey with me, as a travel the road untraveled, and give my 28th birthday gift to someone who needs it more than I do.
Love & Blessings,