“We can’t thank you enough for giving such a precious gift”.
“We have been waiting to meet an angel like you”.
“We have been waiting to be blessed with a child for over 10 years. We would do absolutely anything.”
These are just some of the sentiments that float across my computer screen as a sort through the many emails that have been coming to me, from intended parents. Overwhelming, heartbreaking, and unbelievably humbled don’t even begin to express the waves of emotions I have been experiencing since clicking the “submit” button on my surrogacy application. It was less than an hour since clicking that button, that my phone started dinging with email notifications, and it has yet to stop. Single women, single men, every kind of couple, from near and far; Toronto, Sudbury, B.C., Germany, Belgium. Teachers, lawyers, scientists, business owners, and everyone in between. But, with so many differences, each of these intended parents shares one very strong common ground; the unmistakable yearning to welcome a child into their family…a baby to call their own.
In a few short days, I have discovered a new found appreciation for the things in life I often take for granted; muddy footprints scattered through our home, high pitched squeals from little girls, and the tiny fingers tugging at my blankets at 3 in the morning, when the whole house should be asleep, but a wee one needs a snuggle. I’ve realized that a tidy house, complete with a silent night is actually a home filled with sadness and longing. A home not yet complete. A home so many people are trapped in, by the wrath of infertility and the absence of children.
I am touched and humbled by each and every email I have received, and I am left feeling inadequate, and wishing I could help everyone. How do I have the right to decide who deserves this gift? It hardly seems fair. Clearly, every person who has reached out to me, is worthy and deserving of having their dream fulfilled. Each intended parent possesses this unexplainable, unconditional love and devotion to the very idea of a baby of their own. I can’t imagine the abundance of love they would hold for that baby (or babies) once it is actually conceived! There is no doubt about it, every single person I have been introduced to would make an absolutely amazing parent.
However, we all know I am only one person, and can only offer one family this gift. In the end I will have to choose someone open, honest and genuine. Someone I connect with, and someone my family connects with. Someone I can picture in our lives for a very long time, and someone who can’t imagine ending this journey at the time of the birth.
I have my very first “phone date” tomorrow with a lovely couple. It’s exciting and nerve wracking all at once. And, in the same breath, it’s a little bit awkward. It’s like a blind date, with huge expectations. Not the kind of date where you expect a drink or dinner out of the deal. But, the kind of date where a marriage proposal is slapped on the table! Except instead of marriage, it’s a baby. Yea, that kind of date.
Mostly though, I feel hopeful and optimistic. I feel that I will meet the exact people I am meant to meet, and we will share a beautiful journey together. Maybe this will be the beginning of it! Fingers crossed…let’s hope I pick the right dress to wear.