Many of you have probably noticed the recent and prolonged lull in activity around The Nesting Instinct. We went into hibernation for quite some time, and I’d like to offer an apology and explanation for it all.
2013 proved to be an extremely challenging year for me. After my sisters death in 2012, the subsequent adoption of my niece, and the deterioration of my marriage, I was SURE that 2012 would be the worst year of my life. I was optimistic for 2013 and ready to make the best of it. Business was going to do well, I was going to set some goals to further my education and expand my services, and most of all, I was going to focus my energy on restoring my marriage. The new year started off rocky, but I still grasped hope tightly in my hand. We celebrated our son’s 4th birthday in March, and I decided to dedicate April to rekindling the relationship with the man who used to be my best friend…the man I had lost touch with somewhere along our path of 11 years together. On April 13th, we decided to kick things off with a date night. It was a rare occasion that we did anything without our 3 children, and we vowed to make an effort to do that more often. We went out for a bite to eat, and went to see ‘The Wizard of Oz’ together. It was nice…and long overdue. Little did I know, at that exact moment, the police had discovered the shocking and unexpected death of my mom, and my lovely evening was about to come to a crashing hault. As we pulled in the driveway and I received the devastating phone call from my hysterical father, who up until this point, I had never seen cry in my life, my world came tumbling down around me.
The next few months, are mostly a blur. I pushed everyone and anyone who cared about me away. I locked my self up in solitude, and let depression, grief and sadness consume my entire being. I put on a good show for my kids, but it took everything I had in me. I spent lots of time alone, and quickly moved out of my home, with my children in tow, so that I could spend more time alone. I was angry at everyone. I hated life. How could I fix a broken marriage, while dealing with so many other things? It felt impossible, and I had no desire to do it.
I also closed my eyes, and threw my business to the wind. Birth work made me happy, and let’s face it, I didn’t want to be happy. I wanted to sulk in my misery, and be sad forever. How could I try to be happy when I had lost so much?
It took me a long time to come around. By that time, my husband had long given up on me. His family, the only family I had left, had completely abandoned me and shamed me for “being a terrible person”. It was time to pick myself up, and move on with life. It was time to look for happiness…whatever that meant. One thing I knew for certain, was that The Nesting Instinct was a good place to start. There were women within this business who supported me, and waited for me to come around. There were friends. There was birth work. There was happiness to be had, and deep down inside, I saw the light. I remembered my passions, my goals, my dreams. I realized this is exactly where I wanted to be, and had a brief moment of panic when I realized I had thrown it all away. What if I couldn’t get it back? What if it was too late?
Turns out it wasn’t. With some hard work, diligence and perseverance, I was able to rebuild relationships, and piece together my livelihood; this business. There were times when I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it. I had let people down, I had made mistakes that were irreversible, and I had let a lot of dust collect on the shelves. But with love, devotion and apologies, I was able to scoop it all up in my arms, with a promise to nurture it back to well-being, and bring the business back to life.
As it turns out, happiness isn’t found in the places I was looking – it is found within. I’ve learned that if I don’t take care of myself, and my own well-being, it’s impossible to find happiness. Materialistic happiness is temporary and only masks reality. But self-healing, self-love and the discovery of all life’s blessings that are right in front of me have shown me true happiness, and led me to exactly where I want to be – right here.
I may have lost a lot along the way, but with this profound realization of inner happiness, I am doing okay with all of that. Every day is little bit brighter, and I have learned to recognize the blessings in my life, that have always been here, for what they really are.
I would love to thank everyone who has silently stood by my side, and allowed me to take the time that I needed, hanging onto hope that I would come back:
Cindy, Erin & Michelle – I can’t thank you enough for your support, encouragement and faith in me. Your friendship has held me up in the darkest of times, and carried me through to the light. You’ll never know the profound difference you have made in my life, but I will be forever grateful.
To my students, current and past, thank you for your patience, kind words, and understanding. You have given me the time and space that was so crucial to my healing, and for that I am so grateful. You have also been working so hard and accomplishing so much. I am so very proud of you all, and know that you will do wonderful things in our birth community.
To my clients, thank you for all of your love and understanding. It is you who have kept me going, and inspired me to come back to doing what I love.
To everyone else, thank you for listening and letting me feel like this is a safe place to bare my soul. Thank you for all of your heartfelt messages, and words of advice.
I would also like to say farewell to Beth Murch, one of our original associates, as she returns to her journey of solo work. We wish Beth success, happiness and fulfillment in all of her ventures, and thank her for her contributions to The Nesting Instinct.
It is my promise to you all that I am back, and better than ever. I have so many great plans for The Nesting Instinct, and can’t wait to share them with you over the next few months. Dare I say this again, but 2014 is my year. It’s the year that I will do great things, and make a difference. It can only go up from here, right?
Love & Blessings,